Questions abound...

Blogging is an interesting idea. Actually, the societal implications of most asyncronous computuer-mediated communication is a interesting study (I am a nerd). Personally, I think we have a bit of a communication barrier that our society struggles with, and blogging kind of helps feed into that. We rant and vent and disclose our takes on how we, us and them should be or live life, but what is the point? Does anyone outside your close social network, if even them, read it? Does even our close social network even read it? Are we attempting to spark change in ourselves through a blog? Do we change others? Are my thoughts on any specific subject more important than the pot-smoking lesibian downstairs (that I currently hear fighting with her partner)? Who am I to give my take on life? Where was I when the world was made? I am not so sure. If my thoughts mattered so much I would probably be on television giving my thoughts - instead of Skip Bayless - or have some sort of book deal and sell millions of copies. But then again, that just asks one more big question: what is the true test that you know what you are doing and that it is right way to do things?

I am a relative thinker. Most things to me are not black and white. They are more the color of a rainy day sky; sometimes darker clouds roll in, and sometimes the sun peeks through giving you the correct answer for a specific context. But the key to answering the big question mentioned above is approaching it from a relative view. Not everybody agrees and not everyone views life the same. People like different things. Some like sports, others would rather knit a scarf. Whatever. People are different.

But one thing we must understand also, is that we all are completely different, yet all have a similar stuggle. Addiction. Some folks are addicted to drugs, some to alcohol, some addicted to food, and others addicted to things like watching human beings do sick/nasty/raunchy things at
http://www.(insertnastypornwebsitetitlehere).com/... some to all of the above. The point is we all - yes, ALL- are addicted to something. We all have some sort of corruption eating at us that makes us miserable, whether we know it or not. And because we are so different, and no two people progress through life the same way, our different circumstances have led us to act differently towards these addictions and corruptions. But, there is still one way to answer the big question above.

When I lived in York, NE I worked at Starbucks. Looking back, I loved that place. It was a place that helped open my eyes at a lot of things and is where I began to develop a true interest in studying the antics of people. You interact with hundreds of people and inevitably learn stereotypes, tendencies and choices of those in the all-encompassing Starbucks crowd - customers and employees alike - that somewhat translate into the world as a whole. Anyway, my first day on the job my assistant manager, PJ Bunyard said something during training that still runs through my head each and everyday. He said, "Always set yourself up for success." Seems like a minor, "duh!" statement to most, but coming from where I come from (a place where success is rarely and option) it changed me.

Last night my brother called me after 10 pm. I was hesitant to answer the call and rightfully so. It showed up just a phone number and no name (meaning his number wasn't stored in my phone). The reason behind that being that he can rarely keep his cell phones turned on because he doesn't pay his bills and he has to switch phone companies, and that usually results in a new number...in short, it's hard to keep up with him. Anyway, I answered. He was frantic and I assume he wasn't sober. He was walking down the road because he just got beat up and his car wouldn't start. He asked me for to come help with his car. Well, I was hanging out with my girlfriend and I stopped dropping everything and making his situations the center of my life awhile ago. So I kept asking questions. Where are you? What do you need? What can I do? What happened? In the 2 minutes and 8 seconds of conversation that resulted in him hanging up on me I found out a few things. He was with a "friend" (whom notoriously isn't famous for good things and feeds his addictions) and it was this "friend" that beat up my brother because he got in the way of another fight that was going on. Attempting to paint the picture that he was the good guy in this situation, I think my brother couldn't understand why I wasn't on his side or wanted to drop everything to help him. Well, it is easy, and I will explain...

We all have addictions, as I aforementioned, and yes, we all deal with situations differently. But the universal concept I have found to be the biggest help for me is, "setting yourself up for success." My brother has had a life long battle with addictions. Drugs, alcohol, etc. The reasons for this are not too hard to discern either. Look no further than our father. But 0ver the last couple of years he continually has attempted to break these habits and addictions, and for that he does deserve some applause. However, he never makes changes to his life that get him to the point to where he wants/needs to be, and he always falls back into the traps of his past life. Last night when he called me, he was hanging out with this "friend" he has hung out with for years and years, who he has always done the drug thing with. Him bing fresh out of detox and going right back into a setting where drugs are a way of life just isn't smart. At least this is what a normal human being would think. The cliche definition of insanity is what? Doing the exact same things over and over again expecting a different result. Then let be the first to declare my brother insane. Also, if you keep putting yourself in the same negative situations that lead to the same negative results, you have no one to blame but yourself, and are never the "good guy" when something happens. You deserve very little, if any, pity. You don't attempt to get away from the addicted lifestyle by hanging out in crack-houses. You don't get away from violence by hanging out in house with non-sober people who already have reputations for having a short fuze. It's like jumping out of a boat into an ocean full of blood-thirsty sharks and not being able to swim. There is absolutely no way for you succeed in that environment. You will drown if you don't get eaten first.

As I said earlier, we are ALL addicts. Personally, I am a food addict. I love food. I love to eat. Always have and always will. I can eat and eat and eat. If I get full, I will sit for a few minutes then eat some more. I used to weigh 330 lbs. and that's an extremely large human. However, attempting to move away from this and in loosing weight, you didn't see me at the store stockpiling on ice cream, cookies, soda or calling up Pizza Hut in hopes of folding a larger Big New Yorker pizza in half and eating the entire thing in one sitting (that was Zeb's novelty anyway). No. I attempted to set myself up for success. This is the reason when you come to my apartment you see it is damn near vacant of any edible. If this weren't the case, I would sit and eat all day and 330 lbs. is just a few trips to the grocery store away. Not saying this is how it should be for all who struggle with this, but this is what has worked for me.

The point here is nothing big or difficult to grasp. The point is simple. We all know our struggles. We all know our faults. We all know what it will take to get the change we desire. The problem is that we want it to be easy and without challenge - or in my brother's case, without lonliness. No one else has lived your life. No one else has faced your exact circumstances. Only you (and God) know the black and white answers to your life. Only the individual can set themselves up for a successful future. If that future means suffering a few nights of lonliness or bordem, then sit and stare at a damn wall for a few evenings if it makes you a better person in the long run! As creatures of addictions, we can't return to the "crack-houses" or the "candy stores" and expect to not fall back into a life of drugs or an unhealthy lifestyle that will lead to being bed-ridden. All our addictions, when we keep feeding them, unequivocally lead to one thing: death. Whether that is literal or metaphorical, that question is for you to answer.

So to answer the big question from above, what is the true test to know if what you are doing is right? The answer is easy. Change.